He Will Choose His Wife & Kids?

Will he sacrifice you for his wife and kids like they told you?

Have you ever found yourself crying in silence, wondering:

“Will he leave me?”
“Will I always be the one who gets sacrificed?”

Whether you're the first wife, feeling that years of shared life, sacrifices, and raising children weren’t enough to stop him from marrying another...

Or you're the second wife, feeling that his love and promises might fade in the face of society’s judgment, the tears of the first wife, and the heavy weight of guilt…

The fear is the same, even if the roles and scenarios are different.

It’s a scene that plays out far too often:
The first wife threatened, crying, and asking herself:
“Will I lose him after all these years? After giving him my youth and my life?”

And the second wife feels shut out, reading mixed signals, hearing that inner voice whisper:
“You’re just a temporary chapter. He’ll go back to her — the one who’s been with him the longest, the mother of his children.”

And as these stories repeat themselves, something inside you begins to crack...
“Am I enough? Can he love me and choose to stay?”

In this article, we’ll unpack one of the biggest lies planted in the hearts of women walking the path of polygamy — and we’ll share a real-life story that dismantles this belief at its roots.

A story that reveals how love, and emotional safety are not built on “being the first or the second chosen one” but on intention, faith, and deep connection.

One of the most widespread beliefs among women in polygamous relationships is that “he will always go back to the first wife,” or “he’ll choose the new one and move on with her,” as if our lives are determined by Roman mythology and its romantic scripts, not divine decree.

This idea is especially common in polygamy, where the first marriage is often granted moral superiority — justified by longevity or the presence of children.

But from the lens of social psychology and attachment theory, relationships aren’t built or sustained based on history alone — but on the quality of the emotional bond, the sense of safety, and the freedom to communicate without fear.

Research shows that people don’t necessarily return to “the first relationship,”
They return to the place where they feel safe, seen, and secure in themselves.
(Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991)

So why do we believe this lie?

Because the fear of abandonment is deeply rooted in our psychology.
It’s one of the most common fears — especially for women who grew up in emotionally unstable environments or experienced early loss or betrayal.

Let me tell you a true story that happened to one of my first mentees 🕊️

Let’s call her Zed.

Zed married a married man.
He hadn’t told his first wife about the second marriage — for reasons personal and complicated.
Eventually, he decided to tell her the truth… but he never expected the blow would come from her in this way.

One day, Zed was away on a personal retreat — soul-searching by the sea — one afternoon a message arrived on her phone from her husband’s number.

It read:

“I’m sorry. I can’t continue. My first wife is the love of my life, I can’t live without her. I’m divorcing you soon. Please don’t contact me.”

Imagine what she felt in that moment.

She froze.
A thousand thoughts raced through her mind.
Doubt. Confusion. Anxiety

All the things she feared hearing came crashing down at once —
“You’re the weaker one.”
“He gave you up for the mother of his children.”

She felt as if the ground was cracking open beneath her.
But rising from the depths of her soul came a quiet yet unshakable voice.

She fell into internal surrender
And through a deep breath, she whispered:

“If this is what’s best for me… I am content. I place my trust in You, my Lord.”

She sent him one single message:

“Please inform my father of the divorce. I ask Allah to guide you and bless you.”

Moments later, her phone rang.
It was him — shocked, confused, panicked:

“What are you talking about? Why!”

And in that moment, the truth was revealed.

It was his first wife who had written the message from his phone, hoping to protect her relationship.
When he found out, he traveled to her immediately without even packing his personal belongings, just him, his phone, and his passport.

This moment revelaed to Zed this powerful Universal verse:

“They plan, and Allah plans — and Allah is the best of planners.”
(Qur'an)

Though painful, the story holds profound wisdom:
There is no such thing as “first” or “second” in the scale of Divine justice.
Love isn’t measured in years — but in the sincerity of intention and purity of heart, and actions.
True emotional safety doesn’t come from a man’s promises, but from your connection to yourself, your creator, and the ultimate trust in His plan.

Allah says:

“Your family ties and your children will not benefit you on the Day of Resurrection.”
(Surat Al-Mumtahina: 3)

No earthly bond — however cherished — guarantees peace or permanence.
True stability lies in surrender, certainty, and knowing that destiny is not written in texts or tears, but in the destiny that aligns with the laws of Universe.

If you would like to know 6 actionable steps to overcome the fear of abandonment in your relationship, click on the button below to immerse yourself in the next stages of your growth.