Why Trying to Get Rid of Jealousy Isn’t Working — And What You Really Need Instead
You feel it.
That burn in your chest ❤️🔥.The tightness. The feeling of suffocation.
Jealousy. ♟️
You’ve listened to the podcasts 🎧, read the advice 📚.
Be prettier 💄. Be smarter 🧠. Work harder 💪. Give more 💐.
Or don’t do anything. Don’t work on yourself or the relationship. Don’t give anything at all.
So you did. You became the perfect woman in your head — the one who should never feel this raw emotion. Or told it’s ok, the Mother of the Believers used to get jealous, just suck it up!
But what if I told you… that’s exactly why you’re still here? 🤯
What if I told you… your pain is coming from the impossible goals you keep setting for yourself?
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m done. I just want to get rid of this jealousy forever.” Or “it’s impossible. The Mother of the Believers Aisha herself couldn’t overcome her jealousy so how can I?”
Maybe you even hired a coach or a therapist 🛋️ with that exact goal.
Some of you may have “succeeded” — for a while. You pushed it down ⬇️, pretended it wasn’t there.
But let me ask you:
Did it really solve the problem? 🤔
Do you have the peace you wanted? 🕊️
Or have the triggers only changed shape, found new ways to haunt you? 🗡️
And maybe now… your body is joining the conversation 🩺.
Vaginal dryness 🌵.
Low desire 💤.
Dry skin 🪵.
That constant thirst that doesn’t go away no matter how much water you drink 💧.
Exactly.
💡 Research from Harvard Medical School shows prolonged emotional suppression increases cortisol, disrupts hormones, and directly impacts libido and hydration levels.
Let me tell you about two women I worked with 👩🦱👩🏻.
Both came to me drowning in jealousy 🌊.
One — a first wife whose husband had just married another woman 💍.
The other — a second wife who discovered her husband’s first wife was pregnant 🤰… and that he still deeply loves and enjoys her company. Not like she’d imagined- that she’s the chosen one.
Different stories, same fear 😨: “I’m losing my specialness.”
Same goal 🎯: “I want to get rid of my jealousy.”
And I always ask women like this: “Why?”
They say: “Because it hurts too much.” 😣
Then I ask: “How are you planning to do that?”
The answers are always the same:
1️⃣ Convince him to leave the other wife.
2️⃣ Leave the relationship themselves.
3️⃣ Do something wild — revenge 😈, drastic changes ✂️, compete harder 🏁.
4️⃣ Lie to themselves: “I’m not jealous anymore.”
And when I ask what they’ve already tried, it’s always everything:
Begging 🙏.
Turning into the woman he always wanted — quitting their jobs 🏢🚫, cooking every day 🍲, becoming nurse 🩺, dancer 💃, cheerleader 📣.
Even letting go of boundaries they once swore they’d never cross 🚫.
And then… burnout 🔥💨.
Why?
Because they were starving emotionally, running on survival mode 🆘.
🧠 Neuroscience tells us when your nervous system stays in fight-or-flight for too long, the amygdala — the brain’s threat detector — becomes hyperactive, and the prefrontal cortex, the part that helps you make calm decisions, shuts down. Bessel van der Kolk calls this “living in the trauma brain.
Now listen — survival mode isn’t wrong. 🛡️
It’s in your wiring 🧬.
The problem isn’t survival.
The problem is how you’re doing it. And on what you’re doing it.
Imagine the fire alarm in your home- lets say it went off every time you opened a fridge🧊. Wouldn’t you call the company and complain? Wouldn’t you question, is this what the alarm is here for?
Yes, the alarm is meant to protect you from a real fire. But when it screams for something that isn’t a genuine threat, it will continue to do that will almost everything - eventually its batteries will run out.
So what’s the shift? ✨
Instead of asking “How can I get rid of my jealousy?” — ask “How can I understand it?”
Trying to erase jealousy is like trying to erase all bacteria from your body 🦠 — it’s not possible, and it’s not healthy.
Jealousy is not your enemy 🚫💔.
It’s a signal 📡.
It’s trying to tell you three main things:
1️⃣ Your needs — what you must have to feel content 🛖.
2️⃣ Your wants — what you truly desire: dreams, talent, skills 💭.
3️⃣ Your worth — the truth that you are whole: you aren’t more or less than anyone else- you have the exact same ability to receive the same as what someone has and vice versa. You cannot take from them, and they cant take from you
When you stop running from jealousy 🏃♀️💨 and start listening to it 👂, it transforms from a weight into a compass 🧭.
📊 Studies on emotion regulation — Gross & Ochsner, 2005 — show that labeling and understanding your emotions actually lowers their intensity in the brain’s threat center.
Those two women?
When they stopped trying to “kill” jealousy and started understanding it — their worlds changed 🌍.
One built a rich, full life outside of her marriage 🌺 — and her marriage actually became more peaceful, more love, and more abundant ☮️.
The other stopped fighting for scraps of attention 🪙 — and started feeling desired without begging for it 💖. Her husband started sending her unique long messages of appreciation that she really needed as motivation in her marriage so she can feel energised to fulfil her mission and purpose in life.
If this is you — if you’re living in the heat of jealousy right now 🔥 — I want you to know: it’s not a curse 🕸️.
It’s a map 🗺️.
It’s leading you somewhere, if you let it 🌅.
That’s why I created Queens of Freedom 👑🕊️.
A place where women like you can finally stop surviving and start owning their worth 💎.
Where you can feel safe, even in the messiest relationship dynamics 🌀.
Where you can rebuild yourself without losing yourself 🪞.
I’ve lived this 🩷.
I’ve faced the deepest challenges in a dynamic most of the world calls impossible 🚫…
And here I am — living the life of my dreams 🌟, with the man I love ❤️, unapologetically 🙌.
If you’re ready to turn jealousy into your guide 🧭, come join us.
