In the last few years the question of ‘how to be happy’ has become the most searched topic in the world. Social media content, books, and research have increased revolving around this subject.

I mean of course, who doesn’t want to feel good, and positive as a whole? But throughout my self-development journey, I have looked for this answer, even at times questioning what does happy even feels like. Look like? Is it one thing, or is it a bunch of emotional states combined in one state? I literally still have no clue. However….

The best state I have found myself to love, and the one I always kept seeking wasn’t really happiness, it was peace. You see, if I’m experiencing emotions of grief or sadness I doubt I would describe or experience emotions such as happiness at the same time. What I found to be fascinating is states of peacefulness can be accompanied by all emotional states. Yes, it’s peace. The thing that compliments love very well.

How do I find peace is the question. I like to say that Peace only comes to those who deserve it. A murderer for instance can never experience peace. They may experience emotions of happiness and joy in the act they’ve committed for instance. Peace increases and decreases depending on how you train your mind. Some people will experience higher levels of peace than others.

Here are 8 steps that you can take to raise your awareness of peacefulness and get yourself ready for all its dimensions. These 8 steps are a form of cleansing/purification to prepare you to peacefulness.

Return all which doesn’t belong to you

I had to learn this the hard way. I was very careless about giving back items I’d burrowed such as library books or even things I’d borrowed from family and friends. I realized that this put a strain on me subconsciously. It is compulsory to give back what you haven’t earned. When you are taking unlawfully what doesn’t belong to you, whether you are aware or not, it deducts from your abundance. This means you will lose regardless; in many cases, this type of loss can sabotage one's peace.

Once I cleared everything out and returned what needed to be returned, a big burden came off my shoulder. peacefulness and get yourself ready for all its dimensions. These 8 steps are a form of cleansing/purification to prepare you for peacefulness.

Express how you feel

I know. Many of us have been brought up in cultures or in a society that tells us to not show how we feel. And as we grow older we end up burying important matters that need to come out and be addressed. Can you imagine taking a breath in without taking one out? What will happen? Exactly. Express how you feel to your loved ones even if it starts in a positive manner. If this is too advanced for you, start by opening up to yourself. Don’t deny what is true within you. Journal about it, or even speak to yourself. And no; you’re not crazy.

The more you practice this, you will understand yourself better, which means blaming others will reduce drastically, and your loved ones will start to understand what you like and what you dislike which means a reduction in your frustration. And it will create smooth and easy-going relationships with all those around you.

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear

Would you eat a plate of food you’ve found in the street? Wouldn’t you question the waiter in a restaurant about what your meal is cooked with?

Information is also a form of consumption. If you believe most of what you hear, you’ve literally given your power away. You can end up confused in many aspects of life. I like to set this gate where I choose what information I decide to believe, yet even that belief has the option to be thrown out of the window one day because our consciousness and awareness shift as we grow.

I grew up in an Orthodox Muslim family where beliefs were shoved down your throat. And growing up, this wiring ‘believe what you are told by figures of authority’ impacted my life negatively. So for example, this didn’t stop with political or religious figures but even in relationships we had with partners or friends. Especially if they had an authoritative personality. It was very easy to believe them.

There are two dimensions to this world. Love and fear. Those who are hostages to fear, feed off fear. For example, the news is a massive money-making industry. I stopped watching and believing the news ages ago. Because they rely on addicting people heightening their anxiousness and stress levels. This keeps their anticipation about what could happen or should happen. And when you believe what you hear you’ll always go back for more. Sounds like drug dealers.

Walk away from drama

I had to learn this the hard way. I was always afraid to be judged if i walked out. For so long I found myself being brought back into this endless spiral of gossip and drama. I avoided it so many times but somehow I would end up being part of it.

Just walk away anytime things seem to flare up. It’s not worth your energy. Eventually, drama in your life will decrease, and vanish completely.

Your commitment will be tested so don’t get frustrated if it keeps coming back after you've decided to walk out. I like to call this the detox. So accept the events that are forcing themselves in and take control and have authority over them.

Of course, this also goes to gossip brought to you by family and friends. Chinese whispers aren’t just a game. It’s the perfect metaphoric example of distorting the truth.

Yes, sometimes things are brought to us to raise our awareness or to be cautious about something but as I said, leave a question mark beside it until things become clearer in your world through multiple contexts and stimuli.

Take the simplest of choices

If you are feeling indecisive between two options (non-fateful decision), take the route which is the simplest for you. However, fateful decisions do require patience. In this scenario, still, choose the simplest of choices yet one that serves a higher purpose. Don’t complicate things for yourself. And this doesn’t mean you are being lazy.

Let go of hoarding- 1 item in, 2 items out

It’s not necessary to go all out in the beginning. Starting with one item a week is a huge improvement. And slowly you can start increasing it. And if you buy an item, make sure you donate or sell two items.

Most of us do not need the majority of what we own. This is a personal opinion and isn’t intended to be a generalized statement.

As humans, we easily get attached to experiences and moments by holding onto gadgets and items. Some of us hold on to things because we feel it gives a sense of worth or value. It fills a void. For some people it's greed. What I interestingly found is that our external world, especially our homes is a reflection of our internal world, our internal state of mind.

What I found through my experience after I’d decluttered and donated 90% of my belongings, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder. It allowed me to organize my internal world and put everything into place. I was blessed with another chance to start all over again by choosing wisely what to buy. This didn’t mean living as a hardcore minimalist forever, but to train me into the habit of whatever new item I bring in, two items need to leave.

Not only that. Letting go of hoarding grants you a sense of peace and brushes off any traits of greed or obsessing over possession. It trains you to let go of any emotional baggage easily. Because once you let go of an item and know somebody else can be happy owning it, it focuses your vision on how much impact you can have on the world with a small move. And you will easily learn to let go of that unnecessary comment someone said to you, or the way someone treated you.

And of course, cleaning and laundry becomes so much easier. You know where everything is. In the last year, I don’t think I’ve spent looking for something for less than a minute. You also cut off a lot more on spending. This habit opens doorways to peaceful mornings and so much abundance.

Now you know that once you let something go, beautiful things come with it.

Acceptance & patience

Acceptance and patience are tools that go hand in hand together. Acceptance heals the mind, and patience heals the heart, creating the perfect balance. Accept who you are, where you are, and whatever is happening around you. Yes, life may throw things at us so that we are trained to accept them.

With acceptance, everything becomes so easy, and we begin to have a strong outlook on life. Acceptance is standing in a neutral position. Look at things without a positive or negative judgment. Then patience is the perfect tool to navigate us through our emotions even if what we are feeling is painful. Patience does not mean suffering or suppressing emotions. It is a tool that helps through time.

Patience is time that runs smoothly. This time is used to enjoy other parts of our life whilst the hurricane subsides in the region affected. Once the hurricane subsides, we gain clarity on what we need to do next.

Would you build a home during a flood or hurricane? Or do you wait until it subsides so you know what to do, or whom to get advice from?

Pause…

Everything in the Universe takes a pause. Nature takes a pause. And so should you. You know when your body is telling you to pause.

Pausing is part of growth. Own it.

8 steps to a more peaceful life