The Art of Forgiving:
8 Minutes to 8 Doors of Forgiveness
We’re told to say sorry and assume it will all go away.
We’re told to accept the sorry and assume it will go away.
We’re told to forgive, but never taught how.
If you are holding a grudge, or resentment against yourself or anybody, I would like to congratulate you because if you didn’t have an essence of light in your heart you wouldn’t have landed here today.
I feel your pain, but I can also guide you to make it go away.
Savour the process and enjoy its healing journey :)
This process requires journaling.
You can journal on your phone, notebook, or even do videos or voice memos if you don’t like writing.
Forgiveness is NOT:
Forgetting of events
Neglect of emotions
Weakness
A quick fix
Something that puts pressure on you
Reconciliation with person or letting them back in my life
Forgiveness
Is a healing journey
Starts with intention
Sets you free
Benefits you before anyone else
Heals the heart
fuels the soul
Is releasing what you no longer need
INTENTION
Intention is key before any healing I like to do.
Set the intention to whatever it is you want and start this beautiful journey of forgiveness.
Affirmation:
I set the intention to free myself from this pain, I am ready to forgive (name of the person) and let go of what I no longer need.
Before we dive in:
The time it takes to forgive depends on the depth of the wound. It’s easier for a person to let go and forgive their friend who broke their favourite mug for instance than it is to forgive someone a person who has raped them. That is why I’ve called it 8 minutes to 8 doors. Everybody’s time is different, and that’s ok.
Do these steps one stage at a time. Take as much time as you need.
Acknowledge the pain: Show It Love
Whether physical and/or emotional, put your hands on it
Speak to it.
Touch it.
Reassure the pain as if it’s a person: that it is safe, and everything is ok
Release it via a safe method: crying, journaling, screaming, whatever relieves you.
Journal about your feelings after you’ve done this
2. Write a venting letter to the person who hurt you (don’t give it to them, this is for you to keep, it will come in handy later on)
(Temporary relief, not permanent)
In this letter you will address:
Call them out on what they did
Say the things that you wish you can say to their face but can’t
Say all the things that roam in head about them
Let them know how they made you feel
If you feel an urge to hit them, imagine they are trying to attack you but you win by dodging all the moves they made against you.
Don’t throw the letter away, because you are going to need it at the end of the process
3. Read the venting letter
Read the resentment letter after you’ve written it.
Journal about the emotions that you felt during writing and reading this letter
On a scale from 1 to 10 how severe was the negative emotion (dense energy)
Where did you feel the pain?
How long did the thoughts stay in your mind?
Question: Is it the person still causing you the pain, or is it just the memory?
4. Observe your past
Observe similar past events that happened to you from different people or scenarios and ask yourself
Example: Jess had a friend who constantly stole from her repetitively and she is holding so much resentment towards her.
In this exercise I would ask Jess, how many other times have people stole from you apart from this person? She might say a few times, or none.
I would then ask: what is the feeling you get when your friend steals from you? She would say ‘betrayal’. Then I would ask: how many times in the past have you felt the feeling of betrayal in other scenarios in the past? She might say: ‘I felt betrayed when my partner cheated on me in the past and i felt betrayed when I was 6 and mum said she didnt have money to buy my favourite toy but later in the day she had money to buy grocery shopping’
And so on.. so
ASK YOURSELF
how long have I been in this pain?
How many similar scenarios have caused the exact same feeling via different people?
What is the explanation for what this person/people done to me?
What is this pain trying to teach me? What message does it have?
5. Third person movie
This exercise goes hand in hand with the previous “observe your past’.
Imagine you are an outsider to your situation, you are the detective; how would you justify this persons (person that hurt you) behaviour
(ie: they were bullied at school, by parents, society conditioning, coping mechanism, their perception of self defence etc)
write all the possible reasons you think honestly and truthfully
If this part is challenging, I would suggest searching the reasons behind why people behave a certain way.
Psychological research explores this very well.
For example, if a friend was repetitively stealing from you, research ‘psychological reasons why people steal’ to grasp a deep understanding.
This part of the exercise in no way justifies a persons actions , but as humans we need an explanation to why things happen, and to understand that what happened had nothing to do with me, but this was their coping mechanism.
6. Write a letter of forgiveness
What to write in the letter
Express your feelings (your pain)
Explain your shortcomings (we all have them)
call them out on what they did
Acknowledge their pain and explain it to them
Express your unconditional love for them, if you dont feel this towards them it’s ok.
Write out a positive scenario of how you two could possibly get along, how you would be so happy if things went in a different direction (ie: can you imagine if we can both have coffee
Write out a beautiful memory you had with this person when things were good. Ie: Do you remember when we laughed when your cat licked half of your ice-cream?
Mention something you were grateful for. If you only remember the bad it’s ok, this can be as simple as ie (I’m grateful for the day you filled me a glass of water)
End the letter with a positive wish/prayer for them
Journal how you felt after writing it
IMPORTANT: read this letter everyday for 19 days
You don’t have to give the letter to them, especially if you have no contact with them anymore. This is so you live the moment of the healing energy of forgiveness.
When you have completely healed, you can send the letter if you want to to seal the love.
7. Compare: venting vs forgiveness letter
Compare the emotions between writing the resentment letter, and the forgiveness letter.
what made you feel more at ease
What energy made you feel better
What was the difference?
ASK YOURSELF
How much longer do I want to feel this pain?
Does this person/situation have infinite power of me? Do they feed me? Do they give me life? Do they provide for me? Are they my sleep? Are they my heart? Is my life in their hand? Are they God?
8. Resentment Remains, Forgiveness Frees
Drown the venting water in salt water.
Make the forgiveness letter into a boat and set it free into a river.
Imagine that you are in the boat, set free
Observe both experiences, and journal how you feel.
Further support
forgiveness meditations
Here are a few of my faves:
forgiveness imaginations: this is very powerful
Imagine hugging this person, passing a green light from your heart to theirs until they are full of light and imagine that you continue to rise
Watch videos on how other people forgive, choose a scenario severe than yours or similar
Journal
Avoid speaking negatively about the individual who hurt you
Forgiveness affirmations:
I release the past
I release all resentment and anger
I recall what happened and laugh at it
I am newly born
I am in loving terms with myself and people (name a specific person)
I completely forgive
I am forgiving, therefore I receive infinite forgiveness
I call for forgiveness to fill my heart and life with love and peace
Let me know if you found this helpful.
May your hearts be filled with love and joy
And your life with peace.
